> MEGA MORON AWARDS (Thanks to WineLady40)
>
> Louisiana:
> A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and
> asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man
> pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which
> the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk
> and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount
> of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. [If someone
> points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?]
>
> ||||||
> (o o)
> oOOo-(_)-oOOo
> Florida:
> [Uh, pardon our English] A thief burst into the bank one day
> wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at
the
> guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A
> F**K-UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers
> started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing.
> It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his
> gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him.
> The thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the
> event, the bank later put a plaque on the wall engraved "Freeze,
> mother-stickers, this is a f**k-up!"
>
> ||||||
> (o o)
> oOOo-(_)-oOOo
> Arkansas:
> Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that
> he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window,
> grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block
and
> heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block
bounced
> back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him
> unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of
> Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
>
> ||||||
> (o o)
> oOOo-(_)-oOOo
> New York:
> As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a man grabbed
> her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman
> was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
> Within minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher. They
put
> him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was
then
> taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID.
> To which he replied "Yes Officer..that's her. That's the
lady I
> stole the purse from."
>
> ||||||
> (o o)
> oOOo-(_)-oOOo
> Seattle :
> When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motorhome parked
> on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for.
> Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next
to
> a motorhome near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said
that
> the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose
> into the motorhome's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of
the
> vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best
> laugh he'd ever had.
>
> ||||||
> (o o)
> oOOo-(_)-oOOo
> Ann Arbor :
> The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into
> a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 am, flashed a gun and
> demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said
he
> couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When
the
> man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available
> for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
>
> ||||||
> (o o)
> oOOo-(_)-oOOo
> Kentucky:
> Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running
a
> chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck.
> Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine,though, they
> pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene
> and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine.
> With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their
> vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
>
> ||||||
> (o o)
> oOOo-(_)-oOOo
> Newark :
> A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that
> there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report
> called the phone, and told the guy that answered that he had read
> the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They
arranged
> to meet, and the thief was arrested.
>
> ||||||
> (o o)
> oOOo-(_)-oOOo
Gifts for Mama
Three sons of a Yiddishe Mama left their homeland, went abroad
and prospered. They discussed the gifts they were able to give
their old mother.
AVRAHAM, the first, said: "I built a big house for our mother."
MOISHE, the second, said: "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
DAVID, the youngest, said: "You remember how our mother enjoys reading the bible. Now she can't see very well. I sent her a very expensive and remarkable parrot that recites the whole Bible. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse."
Soon thereafter, a letter of thanks came from their mother.
AVRAHAM, she said, the house you built is so huge. I live only in one room, but I have to clean the whole house.
MOISHE, she said, I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes. And that driver has shpilkas -- he's a pain in the tuchas.
But DAVID, she said, THE CHICKEN WAS DELICIOUS.