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Humor Break:  Interview Techniques



Note:  Humor breaks are scattered throughout the Nicholas Johnson Home Page because of his belief in relief -- even from the scintillating content of his own page.  They are not his creation; they are from the Internet flow.  "Authors" are not deliberately omitted; almost always they are simply unknown.  Contributors are not identified to protect the innocent and preserve their privacy; they will, of course, be credited if they tell me they would like to be.  Enjoy.  Search the Nicholas Johnson Home Page to see how many "Humor Breaks" you can find.  If you'd like to contribute one yourself, or otherwise comment, please write me at 1035393@mcimail.com  Thanks.  -- Nicholas Johnson


HOW TO SCREW UP AN INTERVIEW

We've all been interviewed for jobs.  And, we've all spent most of  those interviews thinking about what not to do.  Don't bite your nails.  Don't fidget.  Don't interrupt.  Don't belch.  If we did any of the don'ts,  we knew we'd disqualify ourselves instantly.  But some job applicants go light  years beyond this.  We surveyed top personnel executives of 100 major  American corporations and asked for stories of unusual behavior by job  applicants. The lowlights:

1. "... stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application."

2. "She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music  at the same time."

3. " A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office  a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece."

 4. "... asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel  executive was qualified to judge the candidate."

5. "... announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a  hamburger and french fries in the interviewer's office - wiping the ketchup  on hr sleeve"

6. "Stated that, if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by  having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm."

7. "Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering  specific interview questions."

8. "When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap  dancing around my office."

9 . "At the end of the interview, while I stood there dumbstruck, went  through my purse, took out a brush, brushed his hair, and left."

10. "... pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of  me. Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him."

11. "Said he wasn't interested because the position paid too much."

12. "While I was on a long-distance phone call, the applicant took out  a copy of Penthouse, and looked through the photos only, stopping  longest at the centerfold."

13. "During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the  candidate's brief case. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and said he  had to leave for another interview."

14. "A telephone call came in for the job applicant.  It was from his  wife. His side of the conversation went like this: "Which company? When do I start?   What's the salary?" I said, "I assume you're not interested in conducting the  interview any further."  He promptly responded, "I am as long as you'll pay me  more. "I didn't hire him, but later found out there was no other job  offer. It was a scam to get a higher offer."

15. "His attache [case] opened when he picked it up and the contents  spilled, revealing ladies' undergarments and assorted makeup and perfume."

16. "Candidate said he really didn't want to get a job, but the unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one."

17. "... asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my  desk.  When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home now and wanted my phone number.  I called security."

18. "Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said that  if he was not hired, the bomb would go off.  Disbelieving, I began  to state why he would never be hired and that I was going to call  the police. He then reached down to the case, flipped a switch and  ran. No one was injured, but I did need to get a new desk."



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