The following was a page put on the McDonnell Douglas Internet home page by a worker with a sense of humor. The company took exception to it, however...
AIRCRAFT-SPACE SYSTEMS-MISSILES
Important! Important! Please fill out and mail this card within
10 days of purchase.
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.
1. _Mr. _Mrs. _Ms. _Miss _Lt. _Gen. _Comrade _Classified _Other
First Name _______________ Initial ___ Last Name ________________
Password _______________ Code Name ________________
Latitude _______ Longitude _______ Altitude _______
2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
__F-14 Tomcat __F-15 Eagle __F-16 Falcon __F-117A Stealth __Classified
3. Date of purchase: Month: _____ Day: _____ Year: _____
4. Serial Number:
5. Please check where this product was purchased:
__Received as gift/aid package __Catalog showroom __Sleazy arms broker __Mail order __Discount
store __Government surplus __Classified
6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:
__Heard loud noise, looked up __Store display __Espionage __Recommended by friend/relative/ally
__Political lobbying by manufacturer __Was attacked by one
7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
__Style/appearance __Kickback/bribe __Recommended by salesperson __Speed/maneuverability
__Comfort/convenience __McDonnell Douglas reputation __Advanced Weapons Systems __Price/value
__Backroom politics __Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
__North America __Central/South America __Aircraft carrier __Europe
__Middle East __Africa __Asia/Far East __Misc. Third World countries
__Classified
9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:
Product Own Intend to purchase
Color TV
VCR
ICBM
Killer Satellite
CD Player
Air-to-Air Missiles
Space Shuttle
Home Computer
Nuclear Weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? Check all that apply:
__Communist/Socialist __Terrorist __Crazed __Neutral
__Democratic __Dictatorship __Corrupt __Primitive/Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
__Cash __Suitcases of cocaine __Oil revenues __Deficit spending
__Personal check __Credit card __Ransom money __Traveler's check
12. Occupation You Your Spouse
Homemaker
Sales/marketing
Revolutionary
Clerical
Mercenary
Tyrant
Middle management
Eccentric billionaire
Defense Minister/general
Retired
Student
13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
Activity/Interest You Your Spouse
Golf
Boating/sailing
Sabotage
Running/jogging
Propaganda/disinformation
Destabilization/overthrow
Default on loans
Gardening
Crafts
Black market/smuggling
Collectibles/collections
Watching sports on TV
Wines
Interrogation/torture
Household pets
Crushing rebellions
Espionage/reconnaissance
Fashion clothing
Border disputes
Mutually Assured Destruction
Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future--as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
Marketing Department
Military Aerospace Division
P.O. Box 800
St. Louis