Actual quotes from military performance evaluations:
"Since my last report, he has reached
rock bottom and has started to dig."
"His men would follow him anywhere,
but only out of morbid curiosity."
"I would not allow this employee to
breed."
"This employee is really not so much
of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."
"Works well when under constant supervision
and cornered like a rat in a trap."
"When she opens her mouth, it seems
that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there."
"He would be out of his depth in a
parking lot puddle."
"This young lady has delusions of
adequacy."
"She sets low personal standards and
then consistently fails to achieve them..."
"This employee should go far-and the
sooner he starts, the better."
"This employee is depriving a village
somewhere of an idiot."
These lines are out of the OER (Officer
Efficiency Report-performance appraisal for the military):
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer...
Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard
wasn't watching...
A room temperature IQ
Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic
thingy to hold it all together
A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse
than an ordinary ignoramus...
A photographic memory but with the
lens cover glued on...
A prime candidate for natural deselection...
Bright as Alaska in December...
One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests...
Donated his brain to science before
he was done using it...
Fell out of the family tree...
Gates are down, the lights are flashing,
but the train isn't coming...
Has two brains; one is lost and the
other is out looking for it...
He's so dense light bends around him...
If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate...
If he were any more stupid, he'd have
to be watered twice a week...
If you give him a penny for his thoughts,
you'd get change...
If you stand close enough to him,
you can hear the ocean...
It's hard to believe that he beat
out 1,000,000 other sperm...
One neuron short of a synapse.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge;
he only gargled...
Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60
minutes.
Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit
too long as a baby...
Wheel is turning, but the hamster
is dead.