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Date: Sat Jan 04, 1997 10:53 am CST
From: David J. Loundy
EMS: INTERNET / MCI ID: 376-5414
MBX: David@loundy.com
TO: * Nicholas Johnson / MCI ID: 103-5393
Subject: CWD--Hormel Hell
>X-Authentication-Warning: lh.cyberwerks.com: daemon owned process doing -bs
>Date: Fri, 3 Jan 1997 15:42:44 -0800 (PST)
>From: "Brock N. Meeks" <brock@well.com>
>To: cwd-l@cyberwerks.com
>Subject: CWD--Hormel Hell
>Sender: owner-cwd-l@cyberwerks.com
>Reply-To: brock@well.com
>
>
>CyberWire Dispatch // Copyright (c) 1997 // January 3 //
>
>Jacking in from the "Make Mine Spam Lite" port:
>
>Washington -- This is a story of abuse in cyberspace. It's an ugly,
>twisted, tortured tale, but one that needs to be told. It is the story
>of the original, undisputed Spam King -- Hormel Foods, the makers of
>Spam.
>
>The brand identity of any product is worth its weight in gold and
>companies go hammer and tongs to protect those trademarks. Spam, one of
>Hormel's best known products, has endured pot-shots for decades,
>according to Mary Harris, the company's main "Spam spokeswoman." But
>somewhere along the line, the company lost control of "spam" as it went
>spinning out of control, being appropriated into the lexicon of
>cyberspace as a pejorative for the act of flooding a newsgroup or
>Internet Service Provider with unwanted electronic mail.
>
>"Spamming" as this Email flooding is popularly known, takes its name
>from a Monty Python sketch where all the menu items at a particular cafe
>come with Spam. A quick search of the WEB using the Alta Vista search
>engine returned more than 20,000 hits for the keyword "spam."
>
>All that ill-will being associated with Hormel's top gun product doesn't
>exactly sit well with the corporate suits, Harris says. Like the use of
>the word "band-aid" when referring to a "plastic strip first aid device"
>or "xerox" to mean "a photocopy" using "spam" in cyberspace is just a
>fact of life for Hormel. "Unfortunately, there is so little we can do
>about it," Harris says, noting that the company would have to "police
>the entire Internet and how do you do that?"
>
>But it's not only the use of "spam" as a verb that tweaks Hormel, there
>are plenty of web sites that refer to Spam in other ways. "Most of it
>is plain, unadulterated garbage," Harris says. For example, there is
>"spam hiku." (Honest, I'm not making this up.)
>
>Here are a couple "spam hiku" samples found, unattributed, on a web
>site:
>
> Soft, pink, newborn joy,
> glistening within steel womb.
> What? No placenta?
>and
>
> Highly unnatural,
> The tortured shape of this "food":
> A small pink coffin
>
>While Hormel isn't exactly thrilled with Spam parodies, it apparently is
>only tweaked when those parodies are unofficial. Take the "Spamettes"
>for example. This is company sponsored group that "takes popular songs
>and turns them into 'spam songs,'" according to Harris. The Spamettes
>are a big attraction during the company's annual "Spam Jam" which takes
>place on the fourth of July. (I swear, this is the truth.)
>
>Then there is "Spam Man" the product's official mascot that is given to
>showing up at promotional events. Spam even has its own in-house
>lawyer, Kevin Jones. I tried to reach Jones, but he didn't return my
>phone calls.
>
>There also is a Spam gift catalog, "a whole universe of Spam," Harris
>said. There's a "whimsical Spam silk neck tie" which is "garnished with
>nostalgic Spam luncheon meat graphics, this tie inspires a look of
>unmistakable good taste" for only $32.50. Or there's the Spam Can Boxer
>shorts, "one of the most popular products!" Harris says. The catalog
>copy says these are the "best way we can think of to fill your drawers
>full of delicious Spam luncheon meat," and they'll set you back only
>$18.50. Why Leno or Letterman haven't discovered this treasure trove of
>joke material is beyond me.
>
>Perhaps Hormel is bent that one of its best known products is the butt
>of so much cyber-abuse because there's no real "butt" in Spam. The
>product is all pork shoulder, ham, water, sugar and sodium nitrate "as a
>preservative," Harris says. Which means that can of spam in your pantry
>will be good until sometime well into the next millennium.
>
>While no one knows how much Spam is produced in cyberspace, in
>"meatspace" some 110 million cans of Spam are produced per year,
>according to Hormel. An additional 10 million can are sold overseas.
>Some 435 cans are consumed per minute in the U.S.
>
>Josh Quittner of the Netly News fired the first known shot in the domain
>name wars in a story he wrote for Wired magazine. That article
>chronicled how he registered "mcdonalds.com" and created the
>"ronald.mcdonald" Email ID. Quittner, using negotiating skills that
>qualify him for the next Commissioner of Baseball, got the McDonalds
>corporation to perform public service for one of New York's elementary
>schools in exchange for the rights to mcdonalds.com domain name.
>
>Since Quittner's stellar article, a virtual trademark war has been
>fought in cyberspace. Some companies threaten legal action, choosing a
>kind of "no negotiations with terrorists" policy, while others choose
>the path of least resistance: they open up the corporate coffers and
>pony up a fat check.
>
>Hormel itself has "bought back several domain names," says Harris, but
>she declined to give specifics. Hormel does own the "spam.com" domain,
>though it sits idle. A call the administrative contact for the domain
>was not returned, though his Email address is listed with MCI Mail, as
>is the domain's technical contact.
>
>This isn't to say that Hormel takes the misappropriation of its Spam
>trademark lying down. The company took the Muppets to court last year
>when they found out that a new character, a pig named "Spa'am" was to be
>introduced in the Muppet movie "Treasure Island." A judge in 2nd U.S.
>Circuit Court of Appeals agreed with a lower court ruling which
>basically told Hormel to "lighten up." The court said the Muppet
>character's name "is simply another in a long line of Muppet lampoons"
>and would be seen as "the joke it was intended to be."
>
>Although Harris says the company has "no official policy" on the
>cyber-abuse of their product, the company is at least waging a kind of
>quiet war to protect its trademark at the source: InterNIC, the central
>domain name registry.
>
>A bit of Web trolling discovered that Hormel is keeping a close eye on
>InterNIC. From a site simply called "SPAM!" comes this notice: "SPAM!
>is now at a new URL due to pending negotiations with Hormel. They have
>forced a hold on the domain name spam.net through InterNIC.
>
>In the broader net trademark wars, Harris says the company sends out
>letters telling the offenders they "object to the improper use of our
>trademark."
>
>Of course, if things get ugly, Hormel can always call on Quittner to
>mediate the dispute. They could cough a fat arbitration fee and give
>him a lifetime supply of Spam.
>
>No need to thank me, Josh. Just send me a case every Christmas.
>
>Meeks out...
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